only the good die young

My best friend from high school, Alexis, died last night. Tonight at midnight, the hospital I work for is performing her organ procurement. Walking those halls may haunt me forever.

I don’t know what kind of world it’s going to be without her in it. Which is weird if you think about it, because I can’t tell you the last time I saw her. Or our last conversation. We drifted apart after high school and I actually got closer to her younger sister- which made her slightly jealous.

I’m devastated and in shock. I am furious at myself for not being there for her and allowing distance to come between us. I’m furious I can’t be there to honor her before her donation tonight.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Lazy excuses. Time I’ll never be able to get back. I’ll never get to tell her I love her or that she is my best friend again. The guilt is eating me alive.

Throughout the day, I think I’ve felt every emotion I could feel. My brother just called me to check in on me. He told me instead of looking and reading sad things tonight to write down favorite memories of Lex. So that is what I’m going to do…

The first time I met Lex was summer before freshman year of high school. We were trying out for Mill Creek softball. I was a pitcher and she was a catcher. We got paired off together that first day, and that was our beginning. The team called her X, and I didn’t know her name was even Alexis until after that first season at our party.

We had math class in classes right next to each other so we were able to walk to lunch together everyday over freshman year. The lunch room can be intimidating, especially as a freshman, but I had Lex by my side, so I was okay.

My mom used to make these delicious chicken tacos. She knew Lex loved them so she started packing two tacos so I can give one to Lex.

Sophomore year, we added a third member to our group: the three musketeers. We made shirts and bandanas every weekend. We dated friends so we could go on double dates.

Went to as many UGA games as possible to try to meet college guys.

We wrote each other thousands of notes.

We laughed, we cried, we fought.

We went on a snowboarding trip and met a dream boat of a guy. We both liked him. But instead of fighting, she let us date. She was a terrible snowboarder, but an amazing friend.

We went to homecomings and proms together. We shared clothes and lived at each other’s houses.

She taught me about boys. She introduced me to Fergie and Afroman. (Lol)

She was the first one of us that could drive and introduced me to freedom that driving could bring.

She made fun of my boyfriend’s head shape.

We had nicknames for each other: seester, jdub, sissy, dsl, X and too many more to list.

Wrestling team junior year, mainly to get prom dates and cool sweats. We both ended up dating wrestlers for a while.

Beach trips.

Break ups.

Family drama.

When my boyfriend forgot my birthday on my sixteenth birthday, she called him and chewed him out, then went to store and got me roses and said they were from him.

Alexis was the type of friend that irrevocably changes you for the better. The world will be a little less bright without her in it. There are no words for my guilt over the last few years of growing apart. I guess I always assumed we’d have time to reconnect. But there isn’t, because she died from a bloody asthma attack at 28 years old. In 4 hours, her organs will be donated and her legacy will continue. My heart is so damn heavy.

Life is short. Don’t wait. You be the friend that reaches out. Be the first to tell someone you love them. Be an organ donor. Don’t hold grudges. Forgive. Love fiercely.

I love you forever, my Lex.

Three musketeers.

My seester.